So I have been cutting myself for quite a while now and I see a therapist who has diagnosed me with severe clinical depression and stuff, but she isn't helping me. Talking to her and the coping strategies that she is influencing me to try just make me hate myself even more. Anyways, the last time I cut myself, it was a huge relapse and I couldn't walk without limping, but there was one cut in particular that was very deep (and probably could have used stitches), but a part in me sickeningly wanted it to scar deeper and so when a thin layer started forming of the slice, I cut the inside of my cut. Now it's a huge scar and it hasn't even been a week and I kind of but kind of don't regret doing it. Is there something really that wrong with me because I'm happy it scarred??

I'm new here. So I'm sorry I wasn't quite sure where to post this.
I'm really emotionally exhuasted. I had a severe emotional outburst at my sister and dad over Mother's Day weekend, and now my partner is telling me I'm responsible for where they are at in their own head.
As far as my partner goes, let me explain -
October of last year, I ######6 broke. I was in a place where I lost friendships, I didn't know what was real anymore, and I was so tapped out that I was convinced that I was being emotionally manipulated/abused by my partner, but I loved her and couldn't bear to leave her. I told her I desperately needed some space, and after three years of living with one another, we are now seven months into living apart. It was a really traumatic experience, telling her I needed to live on my own for awhile, and we fought and screamed and cried at one another. I can't even begin to write here how hard it was on both of us. My partner didn't want to, and she told me that living apart was going to ruin her mental health. But I had to stick to my guns. I had to. I just had to. I wasn't myself, I wasn't pursuing my career and I wasn't really living. My relationship with my family ( who, despite my intro to this post, I am very close with) was strained and to a boiling point.
Cut to now, like I said, seven months apart - We still see each other every week. We have a dog that we both adore and I take him every weekend. We have bumps in the road, but everything seems to be going okay. I just landed a great job, I am slowly processing my trauma and coming to terms with my mental instabilities - I don't have an official diagnosis, but I am working really hard to find a therapist ( something that is now stalled by the change in employer). But she still blames me. She blows up on me randomly, waits until the last straw breaks the camels back and always ends up saying/texting : "I didn't want to be in this position/mindstate!" // "I ######6 hate this and you did this!" // "I told you this is where I would end up".
This crushes me. I go from feeling like she supports me in my struggle with my mental health, and then she does this. She blames me for how she feels now that she lives alone. She blew up on me today because I was supposed to come see her after work, but traffic was so bad that it would have taken me over two hours to get to her. So she told me to go home. I was trying to find an alternate route but just couldnt. She lost her $#%^ and basically told me that she always gets the short end of the stick and telling me that she isn't okay isn't going to solve everything.
She knows im in an emotionally fragile place right now, and I just can't take being held responsible for everyone else's feelings. I want to have my own feelings. I want to be able to stay home by myself if I need to. I need to not be worried about her. I love her and I want to be there for her, but I'm so exhuasted. I'm crying right now typing this.
I feel buried under a hill of stress and trauma and I feel like I can't get out.
"

My significant other, that I've been with for about 6 months now, has schizophrenia. We think it's SPD, simply because he understands that he hallucinates and hears voices that aren't there, but he can't grasp the concept of reality at all. He's very paranoid and lately he's been having blackouts.

He recently lost insurance so he hasn't been on medication, also he had started to not take his anti-psychotic meds because he didn't like how they made him feel = slow. Having been about a month or two without medication, his temper and emotions started becoming affected by the lack of the meds left in his system and when we would fight, he loses his temper really quick and occasionally get violent = foaming at the mouth, literally.

After going through a very emotional day, lots of crying/emotions, we had some friends over and we were having a good time, when he comes to sit behind me and rest his head on my shoulder. He gets really close to my ear and then whispers "kill them", it took me a minute to realize what he just said, and when I turned to him and asked what he said he had no idea what I was talking about = I told him he'd said that and he did not believe me. Later on, I asked him about it again and he told me he just blacked out, he didn't even remember leaning on my shoulder.

I'm worried about him, and I really don't know what to do about it. We're trying to get him on insurance as soon as possible but we don't have a high enough income right now to get him the insurance he needs. Recently, he hasn't been getting a lot of sleep either, could this cause the blackouts and/or the increased "psychotic episodes"? Please help..

I'm currently writing this as I am sat in my bed, crying my eyes out. I am currently in a 3 year relationship. For the past year and a half, I have been cheated on consistantly
Some can say and argue the fact of why am I still with this guy If I am unhappy. Well love is a strange thing and can do some very odd things to you and your mind.

Recently, I have found out that he has done it yet again, almost 10 days ago, on a social networking site constantly through the times he told me he had stopped. He even promised me and made me feel bad for the fact I kept talking about how hurt I was and then when I actually decided to try and move on and think that he had finally changed, I found out some more again. I think it's a shame because we are great together. He feeds me the usual $#%^ of you're the only one and I love you please don't leave me, and each time I say to myself and promise myself that I will leave if it happens again.

I reckon if I had to say how many times it has happened, I would say over 60 times, that I know about. Then I say to myself, what about the times that I possibly don't know about? In previous relationships I have been abused sexually, mentally, physically and emotionally and that is what makes this even worse. The fact that he knew all of this plus that I have been cheated on in previous relationships so I had to work extremely hard to get any form of trust back into my body. He still did it though.

My view of men is shattered. Probably forever. The only man I can truly trust to never hurt me, is my dad. He's my ######6 hero. Every girls daddy is the only man she will ever be able to truly trust.

I wish I had the strength to turn around and tell him I am leaving, but truth is, I'll probably be waiting here forever waiting for him to change, waiting for him to give an ounce of care into it all.

There is so much more to the story which I will have to explain at a later stage as it is late and I have work tomorrow, but I had to speak out about this. I find forums are my friend as I get respect and advice from people who can be harsh and that's what I need.

All I want to do right now is curl up and eat my body weight in ice cream. Sounds cliché but I don't care.

I hope someone can shed some light on what I'm supposed to do or whether he has an addiction as I've been reading and it actually sounds as though he is border of sexual addiction. To be honest, all of this is too much for me and my head. It's like my head is buzzing with thoughts. All anxious, all negative based because of what's been going on.

Please someone out there give me some advice, even hit home with some harsh truths I don't know. I just need someone to read this and respond.

Until tomorrow,

Xo

Hello everyone, I have been coming to terms with my partner having a fetish I don't agree with for a long time. I'm still figuring it out and in the meantime I'd like to add my two cents for people who may have found this page from a search engine and need help. I am currently in a relationship with a man who has a very intense fetish that I am unable to enjoy. However, I wasn't quite aware what I was getting into when my man disclosed to me that he had this fetish.

Fetishes are defined as a "strong or unusual need / desire for something. : a need or desire for an object, body part, or activity for sexual excitement." and are often "substitutes" for more common sexual acts (i.e. Vaginal sex, oral sex.)

I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and I recently realized I can not live with his fetish any longer. Not because I think it is wrong, but because it is MY relationship. A lot of fetish-enthusiasts will call me the derogatory term "vanilla," for my previous statement. Which drives me up the wall with anger. I love him with all my heart, but I have known for a while now that as long as I am in a relationship with him I will not get the fulfillment that I need. I either have to partake in his fetish or break it off.

He can't compromise himself for me and I see that he struggles and absolutely hates the fact of having it. It's a tough life for people with fetishes they don't like, as it is involuntary - No questions asked. It's a bit like being gay. In short, you didn't pick your sexuality: you have it whether you like it or not.

I am still crossed between my options. For example, "do I need to break it off for good, and pursue my own happiness (which I KNOW I do) or "should I ignore it and fight for true love," etc. But I know what the right answer is, I'm just scared to put it into action right now. I love him and I feel unbelievable guilt for not being able to indulge him in this fetish: I just can't do it. I tried for a very long time to say it was okay with me; To try and work with it... then work around it... and I figured out this morning that my problem is denial. I don't like his fetish and I believe I never will.

Here is the problem: he "blackmails" me too. Not because he is a bad person, but because he is so frustrated with his fetish that he has suicidal tendencies and believes he will never be happy. I have been conditioned to believe that if I leave him it will be devastating for him: and I know it will. But ultimately, he will not be happy if I am forcing myself to be in a relationship for his sake. No one can be happy living a lie, especially since he is such a good person. By being with him not only am I hindering his chances of finding that special person who can love his fetish, I am hindering my chances of finding someone who can satisfy me, and that is the biggest crime here.

It's not the fetish that is the problem. It's our compatibility as a whole. A fetish is part of who a person is, like anyone's sexuality, and I cannot ask him to change who he is solely for my sake. I refuse to. All I can really do is leave and offer him my support, friendship and understanding. I believe that is true for everyone in this type of situation. I just hope he can understand too.

Verdict: Respect the love that you have/had in the past. Respect the person with the fetish and respect your own true desires. Do what you know is right, deep down in your heart. It'll come to you.